here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
