Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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