Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
