Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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