tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
