Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
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