Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Im just a social blackout drinker.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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