I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
