You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
