i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize