and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
They are going to name an STD after you.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
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