Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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