Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
