Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize