you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
