dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
