So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
don't judge my taste in strippers
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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