at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize