Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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