We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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