Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just threw up on my dentist
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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