dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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