On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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