i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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