I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
