He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
