What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
