If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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