I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
she peed on how many people?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
