i barfeds in our rink
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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