No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
