Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
