it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I would fuck him just for his dog
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
