So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
