when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Dignity is for republicans.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
