Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize