I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
