I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
im holly from the hills drunk
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
