vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
The uberlube is also flammable
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
