good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize