So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Randomize
