ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
