the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
