This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
