Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
