i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
