omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
