I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
