I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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