Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
