Can Purell be used as lube?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
