haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
