that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
