and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
