East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
