Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Randomize
