In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
