Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
