JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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