And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
