the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
