Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
