roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Randomize
