Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Randomize
