he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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