somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
