I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
