i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
