I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
