Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
